When I heard the words “we’ve been canceled”, I can’t tell you how I felt. I was kinda sad, angry and other things. Since the show was named after me, the first thing I thought about was how I let the cast and crew down. They were out of jobs. I thought to myself, “I should’ve done more to promote the show. I could’ve done more.”
I hung up the phone, went to have a beer and my phone started lighting up with texts. I answered as many as I could. Some I still haven’t gotten to. I found myself sounding like a politician, saying the same thing to everyone: “Thank you so much. I’m doing ok. I’m doing fine.”
After the beers (I had two), I went up to my hotel room and laid in bed.
You learn a lot about yourself and others in times like these. I also think the truth comes out in moments like that; sometimes you realize you’re feeling something you didn’t think you were going to feel. I did.
I laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling and let out a big breath. I felt relieved. I wasn’t expecting that. At all. What the hell was I feeling relief about? The show had been canceled. What? I’m relieved I don’t have a job anymore? But, why?
I’ve learned so much this past year, both good and bad. I’ve learned lessons that I never thought I’d have to learn.
Making a show out of someone’s real life is so incredibly hard to do because you’re not doing it alone. There are so many different hands involved that sometimes it gets exhausting and frustrating. And that’s understandable because the show was based out of a real person’s life. My life.
Continued at link…